Soldier's Grief
by Myguy376
Summary: A comrade has passed and the Egyptian Soldier goes through the stages of grief. Will she make it or will it consume her to the point of no return.


**_"My guy why did you make another story? Don't you have other things to update yo?"_**

**_This was what I was thinking but man I can't help it. My mind just itches to write down new ideas and things I've never read before but don't worry, I will keep my promises :). I promised myself that I would branch out of the romantic genre (I mean that's the only stuff I write if I'm being honest.) and write something else. Don't get me wrong, I'll keep writing the romantic stuff, I just don't like being stuck to one thing is all. Enough of my rambling, grab your tissues, this might be a sad one :'(._**

**_Denial_**

_'Where is **he**?'_

Pharah was sitting by herself at a social gathering inside of the base. The agents and the mercenaries were enjoying themselves as they engaged in the refreshing social setting but the Egyptian soldier sat by herself with a glass of wine at a table nearby.

A group of mercs and agents observed the behavior of their Egyptian comrade.

_They were a bit worried for her._

"So, how's everyone liking the party? I know I'm lovin it." Scout asked as he sipped on his beer.

"It's a good change of pace, but I think it would be a bit better if Pharah wasn't so distant with us." Mercy stated.

"I think it's best if we don't talk about it with her nearby." Genji said.

"I agree, she has been acting a little unsual." Engineer added.

"Yeah, she hasn't been the same since-"

"Since what?"

The group didn't have to look any further as Pharah engaged them in conversation. It seems their chatter has drawn her in.

"Evening Pharah, how are you?" Mercy said as she tried to steer the conversation into another topic.

"I'm fine. This is certainly a wonderful gathering all of you have here. I hope that everyone is enjoying themselves." She said as she smiled. Her comrades certainly didn't share the same enthusiasm.

_The smile seemed forced._

"If you dont mind me asking, why were you sitting by yourself?" Engineer asked which got a couple of worried glances from his teammates.

_They knew__ something was wrong._

"I was sitting there because I was waiting for **him**."

"Who's him?" Scout asked with a confised tone.

The team feared what her answer would be. They don't have a good grasp on what happened but they do know atleast one thing...

"**Soldier**. That idiot loves to just keep people waiting for him, especially at events like this. So I decided to pass the time by conversing with all of you. I'm sure he'll be here any minute now."

**_Everyone couldn't believe what they were hearing._**

"Pharah... We told you this before but Soldier is **dead**. He died on an operation that you two were assigned and we have yet to hear what happened. Only you know what happened but you were in shock that night, you didn't say a word to anyone." Mercy said which drawn a blank face from Pharah.

After a couple seconds, Pharah began to laugh loudly.

"Are we talking about the same soldier?! Soldier **isn't** dead, he's in our room getting ready for the gathering. I'm sure of it."

"Pharah... We buried Soldier a few days ago."

"Why are you all doubting him? Soldier is alive and well."

She was still in the first stage it seems. She's completely oblivious to the reality of the situation.

"When are you gonna open your eyes lady!" The outburst came from Scout which got the attention of the other agents and mercs present.

"Scout, let's just calm do-"

"Naw! She's the only one who knew what happened to our bucket head! I want to know how our boy bit the dust! You can't keep acting like he's still alive when he's clearly **not**. You can go outside of the base and find his grave right there!" He said as he started to walk towards Pharah with a fustrated look.

Pharah simply chuckled at his response.

"You talk of nonsense. Soldier **_isn't _**dead. The Soldier I know would never die on the battlefield. What's with your lack of faith in his survival?"

Scout was offended by such words.

"Lack of faith!?!? I'll show ya some faith!"

He lunged at her only to be held back by Heavy. He tried to wiggke out of Heavy's grasp but the Russian giant was too much for him.

"Let me go! I just wanna knock some sense into her!"

"Little man calm down. She takes most of grief for our friend. She was close with comrade so it is natural for to act this way."

"He's right Scout. Pharah is going through the stages of grief. She will accept what happened to him in time and we will juat have to wait." Medic said.

Scout finally got out of Heavy's grasp and glared at Pharah who noticed that everyone was staring at her.

"Hmph, It seems that I'm not wanted here. I will glady take my leave then. You all know where to find me when you come back to reality."

And with those words, she left the gathering. Everyone was worried about her but it seems that the grief is taking a huge toll on her.

She returned to her room and was met with silence.

**_'He'll_**_ be back...'_

**_Anger_**

_Crash_

**Smash**

**_Crack_**

The sounds of something breaking and glass shattering were coming from the soldier's room. It was late at night but it was enough to wake up the neighboring medics who decided to see what was going on.

Angela quickly ran into the room with medic lagging behind her.

"Fareeha?"

"Flying lady?"

The two supports walked in to see the soldier's room completely trashed. The furniture was overturned and most of the glass in the room was broken.

**Nonthing was more broken than the person they saw.**

Mercy and Medic saw Pharah who was shreding up even more furniture. She turned to meet them with a horrific glare and messy hair.

_"**You**!" _Pharah said as she pointed at the Angela.

"Me? What di-"

"Why didn't you save **him**!?"

"Who is him?" Angela said with confusion.

Pharah said nonthing as she threw a table at mercy who barely dodged it.

"Pharah! Calm down! I see that you're angry but please don't hurt anyone!" She shouted, Pharah's response was another piece of furniture aimed at her to which she dodged again

"Why didn't you revive **Soldier**!? Why did you leave him to die!?"

"Pharah...I wasn't there in time. I wouldn't of been any he-"

"**STOP LYING**!!"

Pharah lunged at Mercy and pinned her down to the ground. Mercy wasn't built to take on a raging Pharah who continued her verbal assult.

"You just wanted to see him die did you!? All of you hated him just because he was different! And you call yourself a hero! You should've been the one to **die **that day, not **him!**" She said which started to draw tears out of Mercy.

_'It is their fault **he's **dead.'_

"Flying woman, I think that's enough. We can't save everybody you know. You shouldn't be taking your wrath out on people trying to help." Medic said.

Pharah turned towards him with buring eyes as well as she let Mercy go.

"If you aren't able to save everybody then don't be a damn support! I bet you also wanted him to perish as well so you could perform you damn expirements on him!"

"We can't always support everyone I'm afraid. We tried our best but it seems that Soldier wasn't supposed to make it."

She refused to believe that.

"He _was _supposed to make it! I can't believe your faith in his survival was so small!! Some teammate you are!"

Medic knew she was still holding in her emotions. It was going to be painful but it will make the stages go through a lot faster.

"Well, I wasn't the one with him, you wereIf anyone is responsible for his death, _its you_"

"**_Shut your fucking mouth!_**"

And with those words, she grabbed Medic by the collar and threw him across the room.

He expected as much.

Medic recovered and looked up to see the Egyptian Soldier with tears in her eyes.

"Pharah stop! He didn't do anything!" Mercy cried out but it only reched deaf ears.

Medic had to keep pushing.

"This won't bring **him** back."

After his words, all medic saw was a fist followed by darkness.

"My friends, what's happening in here?"

"Is there any issues in here? The noise is interupting my meditation."

Reinhardt and Genji entered the room only to find it in complete dissarray. They were amazed by the amount of destruction they saw.

"What happened in here?"

The two walked deeper in to the room and found a _horrific _sight

Pharah was beating Medic into a bloody mess, bits of skin and blood adorned her face and body as she continued her relentless attack while Mercy was trying to get her off him but it was no use.

Reinhardt and Genji quickly came to assist the two healers. Reinhardt grabbed Pharah in an embrace while Genji stood in the middle with his sword drawn just in case she got out of his grip.

"Let go of me traitors!! They are the real enemy!"

"We can't do that I'm afraid. It seems that your grief is starting to affect others around you." Genji said as he looked over to Medic who was getting medical attention from Mercy.

"You'll be ok."

Medic couldn't say anything on account of his teeth being shoved into his mouth but he nodded to show he understood.

It was only a matter of time before Winston came in due to the commotion.

It didn't take him long to find out what happend here as he saw Pharah's face that was covered in spatters of blood and a glare which adorned her face.

He couldn't let her be around the agents and mercs like this.

He didnt want to do it but it was the only acceptable action.

"Pharah, you're are being sent to our security cages until further notice. That's an order."

**_Bargaining_**

**_Clink Clank_**

The sounds of an empty tin cup tapping on the bars of a cell filled the empty room that Soldier found herself in.

Pharah has been in this cage for almost four weeks. She has received some vistors but most of them were just for her meals while others were just for a check up of some sorts.

Her attention was caught by the opening of a door to reveal Angela who had a small smile on her face.

"So, how're you doing today?"

She said nonthing as she kept clinking the cup on her cell.

"Well, your behavior has certainly improved so Winston is considering letting you out."

The soldier remained silent ss she glanced at the doctor. She didn't care about any those things.

_She was waiting for the important part._

"... I'm sorry Pharah. I can't bring back Soldier through any other methods."

_'I knew it.'_

"Why? I'm sure there's **something **you can do."

"I can't Pharah. I'm sorry to say this but **he **is gone this time."

"...I will do it."

"Come again?"

"I will sacrifice myself. I will do anything for him to come back. He doesn't deserve any of this Angela."

"Pharah, it doesn't work lik-"

"Please."

Mercy looked up to see wome tears spilling from Pharah's eyes as she grabbed the bars of her cell

"I will do **_anything_** if it means that **he** comes back to us. He was a great man who didn't deserve death, even if he was sick and twisted at times."

Mercy looked at her with a sorrowful expression.

There was no thing she or Medic can do to bring him back.

"No one desevres to die Pharah, but I can't allow you to do this to yourself. I'm sorry but no matter what you do**Soldier **still be gone."

With those parting words, Mercy left her food and left out of the room.

All Pharah could do was just sit there clanking her cup again.

_'There has to be something I can do.'_

**_Depression_**

_'Why couldn't it of been me?'_

Pharah was deep in thoight as she lied in her bed. She has been released from her cage a week ago bbut was still on leave so she could do any operations. She hasnt left her room for three days now.

"Why am I still here? **He **should be the one here, not me." She kept saying to herself.

She turned her head to the side and reached for a picture.

The picture contained Soldier who was juggling his rockets with Pharah who was just shaking her head at the display.

_It wasn't long for droplets of water to find themselves on the picture._

_**She had to do something about this.**_

She looked around the room until her she spotted a familar weapon.

The **shotgun **of her fallen comrade.

She went to pick it up and found that it was fully loaded...

**_In the break area_**

"Man, is it me or has it been a lot more quiet recently?"

"That's because a certain loudmouth **isn't **with us anymore. There was no peace when he was around." Engineer stated.

"Oh, right." Scout said as he tossed his ball a couple times.

The mercs and agents were enjoying a usual day of rest. Everyone was in attendance... except for _one._

"Ello everyone! Have you lot seen Pharah?"

"Come to think of it, I haven't seen her in the past three days." Engineer said.

"Yes, her precense has been scarce these past days. I believe she must be adjusting to her life without our patriotic comrade." Spy added.

Since her behavior was no longer hostile, there was no point for her to sit in a cage anymore. All she had to do now was adjust to this new way of life.

She has been out of her room for two days but then she just vanished.

"How about we check her room? That's the only place she could be." Tracer suggested.

"Good idea. You and Scout go check on her."

"Why us? Shouldn't the big guys take care of her or somethin." The runner asked.

"Because you're able to run away quickly if she starts fuming up again. I've already taken my fair share of her wrath." Medic said as he rubbed his head. He tried not to remember the amount of pain he was in after that.

The runners nodded as they made their way to the Soldier's room. There was an eerie silence when they approached the door.

_Knock Knock_

"Hey Pharah! You in there?" Tracer shouted from outside the door as she knocked

Silence.

**Knock Knock**

"Yo Pharah! We want to know if you're alright!" Scout shouted as he knocked a bit harder

Silence.

The runners were a bit worried for her but they just couldn't bust the door down unless they had a reason to.

"Well, I guess we have to wait until she feels like answering us."

"Yea, I'm sure she'll come around. I wondered what sta-

**_Bang_**

There was their reason right there to take. action.

The sound of a shotgun rang through their ears and the sound csme from inside Pharah's room.

Scout and Tracer wasted no time as he busted the door down with his bat while she blinked in to survey the room.

They found Pharah lying in her bed crying with Soldier's smoking shotgun in her hands. Scout quickly took the gun away while Tracer went to comfort her friend.

They found the spread up on the ceiling. It seems that she pulled away at the last second.

"It's okay Pharah. You're alright, we're gonna need you to hang in therr." She said as she hugged her tightly while Scout unloaded the weapon. Pharah needed to vent to someone about how she was feeling.

"I...I just couldn't take it anymore. I brought so much pain and suffering to everyone...including **him**. I shouldn't be here right now. It's all my fault." She said as even more tears began to spill from her eyes.

"So you tried to off ya self...You know, Im sure Soldier wouldn't want to see you like this. He always talked about how you gave him a challenge or some crap like that. He wouldn't stand to see you so sad to the point of trying to do this."

Pharah's head began to rise up a bit after hearing that. She never really though of it that way.

"He's right Pharah. If Soldier was here right now, He would be calling you a softie. You wouldn't let him one up you if he was here right? So why stop bring a strong soldier just cause he passed?" Tracer added.

"No kidding. 'She's a no good softie!' is probably what he would be saying right now. I hope he's doing alright whereever he is but I'm pretty sure he's watching you...I think."

At this point, Pharah finally stood up tall. She knew exactly where to go from here.

"...Thank you both for the help. I'm going to go blow off some steam now."

She wiped her eyes and proceeded off to the base training grounds. The runners exchanged smiles as they saw their old Pharah slowly coming back.

They did decide to keep a close eye on her but they had a feeling she was going to be alright.

**_Acceptance_**

"Are you sure you don't need us to stay with you?"

"I'm sure. It's best I do this alone."

"Alright then. We'll see you back at the base."

Pharah was outside of the base visiting a grave sight. Only the bravest were buried here so it was no suprise that she would find **him **here.

She finally found the grave with the name 'Jane Doe' written on it. It took some time but she finally accepted what happened.

_She never would've of thought this would happen_

"It's been a while but I made it. Sorry it took me so long."

She bent down towards the grave and pulled out his shotgun to lay it right next to him along with a small American flag.

She took s moment to prepare herself for what she was going to say

"Jane doe... You were an idiot with horrible strategies. You had no care for yourself at all along with some civilians. Your morals were twisted and unusual, you were a pain in my side at times and above all else, you were psychotic."

A couple of tears fell from her eyes as a smile slowly began to form.

"... But you were also a strong fighter who never stood down no matter what. You were obedient and selfless at times. You were brave and above all else, you were loyal to everyone you served... even _me._"

She stood up and saluted in honor of her fallen com- her fallen **friend**. It was hard at first but she finally feels at peace.

_She hoped that **he **also found peace._

"... Maybe we will have our competitions another time. Be prepared because I know _I_ will _honey_."

She kissed her palm and patted the grave as she wiped her tears away.

Who knew that a man like him could leave such a big impact on her.

With her final words said, she left the grave sight, not with a sadden face, but a face of determination.

**_A face that he always had._**

**_Fin_**

**_Eyy my guys. Just wanted to try my hand at a sad story. I would've had the roles reversed because a certain source said that Soldier canonically can't die (You know who you are.) but I doubt that Soldier would have the mental capacity to do that and it's fiction so I have the power of bullshit on my side so yeah :p._**

**_Expect the update on my other story hopefully soonish because I'm working on it as soon as this is posted._**

**_Thanks for reading my guys._**


End file.
